Such Fragile, Broken Things
by DontForgetWhereYouGotMe
Summary: Set directly after the curse is broken, this story focuses on Regina Mills as she realizes she has lost everything. But it turns out one thing - or rather, one person - still remains in Regina's life. Angsty Swan Queen. Rated M/trigger warning for attempted suicide &/or self-harm.
1. Chapter 1

Regina Mills is crying.

She sits in the room of her adopted son, Henry, clutching a pillow and looking out the window.

She lost it. She lost Daniel. She lost her new world. And then it happened again. Now she's lost her son. All because of _her_. She clutches her pillow even harder, and clenches her teeth. If it weren't for _her_, weren't for Emma, she could still have her happy ending.

But now it is ruined. Everything she did, to avenge her love, to try and create a new life, it is gone.

_But you know this would've happened eventually,_ something inside her says. Then she weeps even harder because she knows, deep down, it's true. She can't have a happy ending. Every day since she lost Daniel, all she's wanted to do is curl up into a ball and waste away. And die.

And this, all this, has broken her. Her mother broke her. She was too afraid of her mother, so she went after Snow White instead. She's always pursued Snow White, and when her daughter came along, she went after her too. But it's not because Snow White told. It's not because Emma could break the curse.

It's because she was afraid of what would happen if she had nothing to fill her time.

She'd spent her entire life running running running from it. Building up even more regrets and guilt in the process. She killed her father. And for what?

Regina is uncontrollably crying now. The tears spill onto her son's pillow, down her cheeks, down her neck.

"_I deserve to die_," she sobs. Her eyes flutter closed, and her next sentence sounds like a strangled plea. "It's what I've always wanted, and it's what everyone else wants too." She opens her eyes, suddenly, as if struck with a new idea.

She runs down to the kitchen, grabs one of the steak knives and without hesitation, brings it down towards her wrist –

and is stopped by a pale, thin hand. She looks up, straight into the eyes of Emma Swan.

"What are you doing here?" Regina tries to sound hostile. But instead, she just sounds broken.

Emma says nothing for a moment, still gripping Regina's knife-bearing hand. Then she says, quietly, "I have a warrant for your arrest." She doesn't sound as though she wants to arrest Regina. This is not the Regina who terrorized her and her family. This is a fragile, broken woman who needs someone to make her want to live.

She looks into Regina's eyes and all she sees is sadness, some hatred, no hope.

"Regina," Emma's voice is husky with tears, though she can't really say why. She runs her fingers gently down Regina's wrist and pries the knife from her hand. Regina lets her. Their eyes never waver from each other.

Emma can barely hold onto her own composure now. She places the knife on the kitchen table and asks, her voice wobbly, "why?"

Regina looks down now. She clenches her fist and her tears fall onto the kitchen floor. "I have nothing." Her voice cracks. She seems so small. Emma notices she's been getting thinner. As though something else was weighing on her long before the breaking of the curse.

"I lost my love," she looks up. "Then I killed my father, and the guilt from that _never _leaves you." She cries harder now. "I didn't want to, not really, but I didn't think about what I was doing until I did it and –" She stops suddenly, and looks at Emma with a new emotion, something shinier, happier. "I named him after my father, you know. Henry. Seems only fitting now that I've lost him too." She looks longingly at the knife on the table, and before she can make any move to take it, Emma locks her hands firmly around Regina's wrists. This sends her into a panic, and her crying has turned hysterical as she struggles against Emma.

"No! Please! Please just let me do it, I can't take this anymore Emma. You don't know what it's like to live every day with hollow laughs and smiles, wishing you were anywhere but in your right mind. Knowing that you don't have love or deserve it." Regina stops struggling, and looks utterly defeated. "Please," she croaks. "Just let me go."

Emma becomes almost angry, and in a bout of passion she backs Regina up against the counter, still pinning her hands firmly down. "Never say you don't have love," Emma says fiercely. But then, as though the utterance of that sentence took all her strength, the anger drains and she looks desperate and … scared. "Regina, you can't go. You can't just leave like this on me," Emma's voice gets higher, softer, and wobblier. "And don't cry," she lets go of one of Regina's hands to brush a tear from her cheek. "Regina, please don't, or I'm going to." Her voice cracks, and tears stream noiselessly down her face.

And then, the two crying women look each other in the eye, through the tears, and there's a sudden change in the air. Emma has stopped crying. She slides her hands slowly up Regina's arms, slowly back down. Then she laces their fingers together and kisses Regina's tears away, one by one.

Regina lets her.

Emma's final kiss is on Regina's lips. Their breath is mingled, their bodies suddenly hungry. Emma kisses Regina's scar, the one just above her upper lip. Then she returns to Regina's mouth, running her teeth along Regina's lips. A light moan escapes Regina.

But that's when a feeling of bittersweet wrongness washes over Emma. She pulls away, and Regina says nothing, but her eyes plea at the loss. Emma places her forehead against Regina's, their noses touching. "We can't," Emma's voice is husky. "Not when it's like this." Emma pulls away to look at Regina. "When we make love," Emma picks up a lock of Regina's hair and toys with it, "I want it to be more beautiful than anything you've ever felt." She kisses Regina gently behind the ear. "I want you to be happy," she says. She looks at Regina. "Let me try to make you happy. Please."

Regina finally carries a shadow of hope in her eyes. "Emma …"

"Yes?" Emma prompts gently.

"Hold me. Please."

Wordlessly, Emma envelops Regina in her arms. She places them around Regina's tiny waist, then circles around Regina to stand behind her. Her hands still around Regina's waist, she sinks to the floor against the counter, bringing Regina with her. They stay like that, legs and arms tangled, pressed together, until the sun sets and Regina falls asleep in Emma's arms.

Emma gathers up Regina's tiny figure, and carries her up to the master bedroom, bridal style. She kicks off her own shoes before laying Regina down on the bed. She reties Regina's silk robe, smoothing the creases. She is shocked when her hands pass over Regina's ribcage and it is bony and clearly defined. It roots her protectiveness over Regina even more deeply, seeing her so fragile, so breakable.

Emma climbs onto the bed, and pulls the covers up over her and Regina. The motion causes Regina to stir briefly, only long enough to place her arms around Emma's neck and bury her face in Emma's collarbone.

Emma holds Regina close to her with one hand. With the other, Emma strokes Regina's hair in a rhythmic pattern, until the rhythm becomes her lullaby, and she too falls asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: I was asked by a lot of people to continue this story, and it has actually given me great pleasure to do so:) Do excuse the formatting; I copied and pasted this from Word and don't really feel like removing the indents on all the paragraphs. Please enjoy and leave reviews xx**

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Regina wakes up in Emma's arms and pulls away because she is afraid that once Emma wakes up and realizes where she is, she'll want to leave. She rolls over and buries her face in her pillow.

"Hey," she hears a soft whisper and peeks up to see Emma looking at her with some emotion in her eyes – could it actually be concern?

"Hi," Regina says quietly, her voice muffled by the pillow. She can't bear to hold Emma's gaze so she retreats into her pillow again.

"Regina I'm not going to leave you," Emma says softly, sincerely, making the brunette look up again. Emma moves closer and takes the brunette in her arms. Regina closes her eyes and hugs Emma to her, burying her face in Emma's collarbone and resisting the inexplicable urge to cry.

Everything was such a blur since yesterday. She can barely remember how Emma came to be in her house, although she remembers Emma stopping the knife before it could spill any of her blood. She winces at the thought of Emma seeing her in that state. Emma had walked in on Regina at her most broken, her most hopeless, at a rare time when Regina admitted to herself how much she truly hates herself. Regina almost can't stand to think about the weakness she's shown, is still showing, but she can't seem to piece herself back together. There's an utter _tiredness _inside her, and she can barely hope to get up, let alone put on the face she'd been suffocating in for so many years.

"You should, though," Regina barely whispers.

"Should what, love?" Emma asks.

Regina swallows. "Leave me."

"And why should I?" is Emma's even response. She begins stroking Regina's hair again, and the brunette sighs with relief and sorrow.

"Because look at me Emma. I can't even keep myself alive. And I thought I could raise a son. Thought I could protect my lover. Thought I could avenge his death. Thought I could have a happy ending. But now I have nothing. I don't even have myself." She looks up into Emma's eyes. "I can feel myself dying Emma," she says, her voice pleading. "Carrying out the actual act of killing me would merely complete the transaction."

Emma's eyes harden at what Regina is implying. She tightens her grip on the brunette's tiny waist, and, with fire in her eyes, tells Regina, "you dying is not an option."

Gina merely gives Emma a defeated look. She wonders why Emma seems to care so much about her life when she can't even bring herself to.

"So many people would love to see me die," she whispers. Then laughs. "I never thought I'd give them the satisfaction, but then I realized," she sighs, "so many people have wanted to punish me by killing me, that if they found out it was what I wanted all along, it would be like a slap in the face." The corners of her mouth turned up in a wry smile.

Emma smiles sadly. "Well that logic definitely has Regina written all over it."

Regina chuckles softly, and arches up so she and Emma are nose to nose. "You know me well, Miss Swan."

"That I do," Emma agrees. Suddenly hungry for Regina's skin, she kisses the brunette's cheek, then behind her earlobe, then down her neck. Regina lets out a light moan.

"Emma, I-" she's cut off by a kiss to the lips. She breathes in the kiss and Emma crushes Regina's body to hers, and the thin layers of clothing they both wear seem a thousand miles between them. Emma breaks away from the kiss and looks into Regina's eyes.

"Yes?" Emma says breathlessly.

"I-" Regina hadn't realized how hard this would be for her to say. "I think I love you." She looks away, as though uncomfortable at such an emotional confession.

Emma nuzzles her nose behind Regina's ear and gently whispers, "I think I love you too." She pulls away to look at Regina, arms still wound around the tiny woman's waist.

"Wanna go downstairs for breakfast?" Emma asks. Regina contemplates, then nods. Emma secretly sighs in relief. Regina's thin, thin ribcage has been worrying her since yesterday. She knows the older woman needs some food, and soon.

The two stand up from the bed. But when Regina tries to get on her feet, she feels a dizzying sensation and begins swaying on her feet. Emma hurries to steady her and whispers, "what's wrong?"

"I – I'm just tired I suppose," Regina tries to regain her balance, leaning against Emma for support.

A thought occurrs to Emma. "Gina, how long has it been since you've eaten?"

Regina doesn't answer.

"Regina." Emma said sternly.

"A while, Miss Swan." Regina says bitterly. "It's been a while."

"Like how long is a while?" Emma pried gently.

Regina can feel her walls going up. But if Emma hasn't left her yet, if Emma really does love her like she professes to, then maybe she can trust her. She takes a deep breath and answers.

"Five days."

Emma gasps. "Regina," she whispers quietly. Though her voice doesn't carry scorn or scolding. It carries fear.

She scoops up the brunette in her arms and proceeds to carry her downstairs, which isn't difficult given Regina's thin frame. She puts Regina down in the kitchen and lets the shorter woman grab onto her arm for support as she shakily walks to the kitchen table and sits down at a chair. She stares out the window, lost in thought, as Emma sets about making pancakes.

When she places the plate of food in front of Regina, the woman merely looks at the pancakes thoughtfully.

Emma takes a seat at the empty chair next to Regina and patiently waits for her to take a bite.

Instead of eating, though, Regina looks up at Emma, one eyebrow arched involuntarily and a small smile playing on her face.

"Pancakes were the first thing I ate in Storybrooke," she admits. "I remember I was so excited about them, because I'd never seen them before and they seemed like something new and exciting that only existed in this world." Regina let out a small chuckle. "Of course they quickly came to seem as mundane as everything else in this godforsaken town." With that, she takes a bite, and slowly, but surely finishes the first pancake.

Emma feels overcome with love and protectiveness at the sight of Regina diligently, daintily consuming her food. She leans over and places a kiss on her cheek, and says "thank you for eating."

Regina looks up at Emma quizzically. "I've never had someone who cares whether I eat or starve."

A pang of sadness washes over Emma at this. "Well," she says, hoping to convey the utter truth in her words, "get used to it."


End file.
